SEX FILES: Love, status, and social climbing -- are you being ‘throned’?

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A few years ago, I went on a date with a man I’d had a longtime crush on. Before we even got to appetizers, it was clear that he had an agenda – and it wasn’t romance. Over cocktails, he grilled me about my job and my professional contacts. He also made several thinly veiled requests to be my “plus one” at events in the future. Needless to say, it left a bad taste in my mouth.??
When I told my friend about this experience at brunch a few days later, he suggested that perhaps this man was trying to date me for my clout. Was this what was happening???
It was both jarring and a strangely flattering revelation.?
With tough economic times and hashtags like #ManInFinance trending recently, it makes sense that there’s a new term for this man’s dating behaviour: throning. ?
Throning is when you intentionally choose a partner for their social status or influence. According to the New York Post, throning involves “dating someone who boosts your reputation (and, probably, ego) just by association.“?
It’s a dating trend fueled by a culture that glorifies wealth and exclusivity, with social media showcasing curated highlight reels of luxury lifestyles and social privilege. “These images blur the line between genuine connection and strategic relationships, distorting what truly matters in a lifelong romantic partnership,” says Michelle Shahbazyan, a Marriage, Family, and Life Coach and author of the book Win at Love, Win at Life.??
While financial stability can bring comfort and enjoyment, couples also need shared values, mutual care, and deep, reciprocal love to create a well-rounded, fulfilling relationship beyond superficial markers of success. Shahbazyan says one of the major pitfalls of “throning” is that it prioritizes external validation over genuine emotional and physical connection. This can lead to emptiness, dissatisfaction, and sudden disillusionment when the relationship lacks depth.?
Another common mistake is assuming a person’s status or financial situation guarantees long-term compatibility. In her experience, Shahbazyan says relationships built solely on status or surface-level appeal often end in divorce, which can result in significant financial costs, a broken family for the children involved, lingering bitterness, and a drastically altered life path.??
That isn’t to say that money doesn’t matter – it’s natural to want to live comfortably, care for yourself and your future family, and enjoy financial stability, explains Shahbazyan. However, she says building an authentic relationship rooted in trust, shared values, and mutual respect is equally important. “A meaningful partnership allows you to grow together, live harmoniously, and create a life free from unnecessary conflict while supporting each other’s goals and well-being,” she says.??
However, even if you know what you want from a relationship, that doesn’t stop potential clout daters from being attracted to your success. In this case, Shahbazyan says there are things to be mindful of – including potential partners who seem overly focused on your success or influence. “Warning signs include a love/hate dynamic, limited curiosity about you or the world and an entitled attitude where they demand financial support without contributing equally,” says Shahbazyan.??
She also suggests financially stable individuals be cautious of those who quickly entangle themselves in their lives, because this type of relationship will create resentment, extreme levels of conflict, and potentially long-term emotional and financial strain, especially if children are involved. When in doubt, slow down and give yourself space to know someone’s true intentions. Anyone who wants to move too fast too soon should be approached with trepidation – regardless of each other’s financial situation. Lastly, another way to protect yourself and ensure the connections you’re making are authentic is to seek partners with similar financial situations.??
While it’s easy to become disillusioned about romance in a world of clout chasing and social media flexing, Shahbazyan shared over email that she is still hopeful. “Ambition and love can absolutely coexist, and if you’re financially stable, it’s important to find a partner who is equally stable or at least financially savvy, as this can play a crucial role in building a secure future together,” she says.??
It all comes down to being steadfast regarding your values, goals, and desires to find a partner that’s in alignment. You are the master of your romantic kingdom and you get to decide who you bring into your life.??
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